I guess these few months of absence from publishing were caused by my yet another painful burnout from fighting with the windmills. Nobody likes to admit failing or rather not-succeeding, and no work-in-progress without tangible results is stumbled upon. So we cling to what we know, what can’t hurt us (more than it’s doing already) and do not openly share messed up puzzles of unmaterialised goals.
We embrace big visionaries and men of action. We willingly share blunt headlines of latest tech inventions trying to take credit for other people’s bravery like those proud beer-pouring football fans who proclaim “WE won”.
Yet, most of us don’t have the balls to follow the same path. We fear being ridiculed for our unsuccessful attempts.
I feel lost. I just want to cry and hide. London is tough already and this whole Amuse quest I have taken on overwhelms me and makes me feel so little and unimportant. There are so many unknowns where I am expected to immediately know what decision to undertake. There are so many things I have to figure out on the go, wade into executing business model which hasn’t been tested before. To hell with my wasted time (if failed). The only thing I care about is not to let anybody down. I often feel like a fraud proclaiming about my huge ambitions and big promises and so far, being able to show only a small fraction of success I’m going for. Why is everything taking so long?!?
For some time I’ve been paralysed with thoughts of the future.
Ok, I’m lying. It’s been like that almost forever, at least since I decided to create my own non-copy-paste fate and deviate from paved way by all-too-cautious previous generations.
Although I am determined and know what I want to achieve, I often feel anxious and frustrated that “my future” does not happen quickly enough.
Fear of what other people will think is the most paralysing dynamic in business and in our lives. Some say, that you will never own the future if you care about what other people think.
While this may be true, I think there is a much more destructive factor than fear – it’s inertia itself.
Yes, it derives partly from fear, as people wrongly assume since they stay within their comfort zone, this will render them calm and trouble-free.
In XVII century Hobbes popularised a thesis stating that the man is driven only by selfish stimuli and seeks to satisfy his needs and motives, evoking Latin proverb Homo homini lupus est (A man is a wolf to another man).
I believe, however, that mentioned above proverb shows a distorted image of the nature of the wolf itself, which can’t be referred as something negative and narcissistic towards a fellow specimen.
Another few hours spent on polishing slides for my company’s website – Amuse.
2 hours spent on creating a concept with a humoristic tinge. 1 hour spent on browsing the right font. 1 hour spent on finding quality images for slides. 3 hours spent on figuring out these bloody settings of the Java plugin. 2 hours spent on proper timing the slides.
Fuck no. I don’t like the shape it is. It’s not funny anymore. Joke heard more than once stops being funny. Actually, I don’t know anymore if it was funny at the first place.
2 hours spent on changing the concept, 2 hours spent on timing the slides properly…
Jim Rohn once said:
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
It doesn’t matter much how smart you are (Although it certainly helps). It doesn’t matter how talented you are (There are so many untalented, yet successful people), which skills you have (Bright people delegate things which they can’t do to skilled experts) or which family you came from. All that counts if you want to be successful in life is the people you surround yourself with.
A lot of people think that highly successful have to be selfish, cruel horrible people to get to where they are (You probably think what the hell do I know if I’m not yet successful?).
While I believe this is true in some cases (as it is with every other social class), after analysing the lives of many already established, successful people and filtering public relations tricks from the real facts, I think shamelessness is the biggest secret to breaking through.
So you want a more exciting live and you can’t stop moaning about it, but somehow your life doesn’t seem to be going in that positive direction…in fact, any direction. Your marasmic daily routine feels like an invisibly low dose intake of toxins, which kills your drive and ambition to reach higher.
The world is full of so many talkers, and so few doers. And you also just keep being that talker, a passive participant of this marionette dance.