Over the last years gender inequality became a widely commented subject, especially its pay and career advancement angle.
It seems like the discussion has become oversaturated and we don’t need more ‘awareness’ anymore, but rather support coming from ourselves – women. (I’m focusing on women in tech aspect here, as this is the industry I operate in in case you haven’t already noticed :)) Never mind that computer science was founded largely by women. Never mind, that in the mid-1800s, Ada Lovelace, the only legitimate child of Lord Byron, did much of the work behind Charles Babbage’s proposed “analytical engine,” writing what’s now hailed as the world’s first computer program.
When did it start going wrong? Nobody can say. One theory holds that things changed as egos—and money—got involved. Another is that technical women lack role models in pop culture.
(The number of in-house female engineers in the HBO show Silicon Valley? Zero.) A recent MIT study found that when men and women made identical start-up pitches for more than 500 participants, the men were chosen nearly 70 percent of the time.
I guess these few months of absence from publishing were caused by my yet another painful burnout from fighting with the windmills. Nobody likes to admit failing or rather not-succeeding, and no work-in-progress without tangible results is stumbled upon. So we cling to what we know, what can’t hurt us (more than it’s doing already) and do not openly share messed up puzzles of unmaterialised goals.
We embrace big visionaries and men of action. We willingly share blunt headlines of latest tech inventions trying to take credit for other people’s bravery like those proud beer-pouring football fans who proclaim “WE won”.
Yet, most of us don’t have the balls to follow the same path. We fear being ridiculed for our unsuccessful attempts.
I feel lost. I just want to cry and hide. London is tough already and this whole Amuse quest I have taken on overwhelms me and makes me feel so little and unimportant. There are so many unknowns where I am expected to immediately know what decision to undertake. There are so many things I have to figure out on the go, wade into executing business model which hasn’t been tested before. To hell with my wasted time (if failed). The only thing I care about is not to let anybody down. I often feel like a fraud proclaiming about my huge ambitions and big promises and so far, being able to show only a small fraction of success I’m going for. Why is everything taking so long?!?
For some time I’ve been paralysed with thoughts of the future.
Ok, I’m lying. It’s been like that almost forever, at least since I decided to create my own non-copy-paste fate and deviate from paved way by all-too-cautious previous generations.
Although I am determined and know what I want to achieve, I often feel anxious and frustrated that “my future” does not happen quickly enough.
It’s funny the longer I postpone publishing a new post, the harder it’s for me to restart writing. Every sentence feels flimsy comparing to what I’ve written previously. It’s like forgetting how to hand write – after all these years tapping into the keyboard or a glossy iPad screen, hand writing one page of a letter literally feels painful.
Ok, few lines of a warm-up text written. Let’s begin.
Fear of what other people will think is the most paralysing dynamic in business and in our lives. Some say, that you will never own the future if you care about what other people think.
While this may be true, I think there is a much more destructive factor than fear – it’s inertia itself.
Yes, it derives partly from fear, as people wrongly assume since they stay within their comfort zone, this will render them calm and trouble-free.